Nice Guys Get an Axe in the Face

Hash Patel can relate to Tina Turner this week, as he barely escaped Ike’s violence to join G² for this week’s show.  As a thank you, G² attempts to embrace multi-culturalism.  Grae tries to convince Hash that she is “practically half Indian because she does yoga,” but then she repeatedly confuses Hindi (the language) with Hindu (the religion).  Gariana does her part by insisting certain words are pronounced butt cheese.  And Ganesha is not pleased.

Hash uses his spiritual hotness to guide us through Burn After Reading and Righteous Kill.  He generously gives the latter film a mulligan, while Gariana expresses her heartbreak and grief while clutching her Heat DVD.   They distract themselves from the pain by reading Al Pacino’s diary and focusing on the trailers Sukiyaki Western Django and The International.

Keep an ear out for when Gariana nearly fillets Hash when he interrupts her pitch for a Clive Owen film, and Hash declares himself a sympathetic voice for the lesbians.  Also, this episode is chock full of special appearances by Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Sean Connery, Grae’s dad, and Randall the Skateboard Pimp.

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Separating the Wheat from the Chafed

This week John Keating is caught in G2’s crossfire of terrible, terrible French accents and racist interludes.  Being a sort of jack of all trades, John Keating adds “mediator” to his list of talents as Gariana tries to make valid points and Grae counters by insisting that Shaft is a documentary.

Our movie-reviewing triad teeters their way through reviewing Man on Wire.  They follow that up by recasting Bangkok Dangerous to star a retarded archer and rename it Archery Pointy.  Then they pull out their gay bongos to talk about Surfer, Dude, and Milk saves the show by giving them some hope.

Listen to hear the worst way to be dumped that scarred John for years afterwards, as well as why Gariana won’t stop calling Grae “Peterbuilt.”

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Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, and their Maid

Turn the lights down low for this episode mafiosi, because Dwayne Perkins brings the funny and the sexual chocolate this week.  He and Grae trade innuendos while Gariana sits by uncomfortably, trying to get them to focus on Traitor and Hamlet 2.
Dwayne shares his penchant for acronyms with G², and then he and Grae spend a little too much time loving the trailer for Sex Drive.  Gariana desperately steers them towards discussing The Brothers Bloom just to dissipate the sexual tension, only to fail miserably as Grae fondles Dwayne’s lightning bolt.
Over the course of the show, Dwayne makes it clear why women send him more naked pictures than a death row inmate.

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Bitches with Baguettes

Firecracker Suzy Soro does not have MS, so quit staring at her already, would you?!  And she may be temporarily crippled, but that doesn’t stop her from constantly berating Gariana about things like her name, movie tastes, and anecdote quality.  Grae delights in the harassment as they wax poetic on The Rocker and Death Race.

Listen as The Triplets of Titillation figure out how to smuggle a tube top into prison, recast Joan Allen’s role in Death Race, and discuss reading Harper’s Bazaar and fanning themselves.   They take some time to trash Babylon A.D. and wish that more people would care about Appaloosa.

If that wasn’t enough, Suzy keeps slurring her words, Gariana keeps pretending to be Asian, and Grae takes a patriotic stand.

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Never Go Full Retard

ANDIE BOLT.  NUFF SAID.

She brings her knowledge of farms, hilarity, and singing bossa nova tunes to the show this week as the trio reviews Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Tropic Thunder.  Andie Bolt asks the tough questions such as “Did I miss a nipple while I was looking for my Skittles?”  and Grae assumes her birthright as spectacular foley artist extraordinaire, while Gariana flips out over the mere existence of the Horse Whisperer.

The ladies all trash the trailer for Max Payne and admit that Rocknrolla looks like a heckuva lotta fun.  They are largely unmoved by the week’s DVD releases, and instead divide their time equally between complaining about computer games from the nineties and pretending that they are mentally disabled protesters.

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Like a One Night Stand with a Clown

Lock up your little girls for episode XX! Jensen Karp does his best to throw an extra X in the episode while he and G2 discuss The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Apparently Jensen, between renting Halloweentown and curating a show for his Gallery 1988, entered the theater for this film all alone with a molestache. Then he spends the rest of the episode hating on any film that does not star little girls, including Pineapple Express.

They all agree NOT to burden the postal service by Netflixing The Punisher War Zone (much less watching it in the theater), and Grae breaks Gariana’s pregnancy news while they discuss Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. And if all that doesn’t give you the shudders, listen to see which May movie release got Jensen’s big thumbs up.

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Kung Fu Yetis Vote Democrat

To kick off Episode 19, Gariana repents for using the C-word on the previous episode, and Grae discusses how if Jet Li were made of chocolate, she would want to bite his ears off. Seasoned actor of stage and screen Emilio Borelli takes it all in stride as he battles G2 over The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

Emilio humors G2 while they ponder the possibility of Judge Reinhold drinking squirrels blood on set, but he soon gently guides them to a probing examination of Swing Vote. The trio questions the course of America and wonders if cynicism is the new black.

Listen to see how Catwoman screwed over Terminator Salvation, and how Oliver Stone’s W is like hitting the broad side of a barn (as if you didn’t know already).

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Flat Tires on the Trip Down Memory Lane

Diego Gorbea, Oscar Whiz of the West, joins G2 for this episode that picks apart reality and forces the trio to relive high school and family memories. Stepbrothers and American Teen are the movies under the microscope this week. As a result, Grae relives a tragic breakup, Diego admits that people think his mother is insane, and Gariana drops the C-bomb.

Man On Wire and Watchmen are pontificated, and Diego mistrusts Gariana’s recommendation of Doomsday on DVD. Please note:  This episode is best appreciated while looking at old yearbooks, tee-peeing someone’s house, and/or scowling at your parents for not letting you go to the mall.  Just like the good old days!

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Shadowbox Sleeps on the Floor–A Comic Con Special PART TWO

The second love song to Comic Con can be found here.  For the first part of the episode, G2 discusses the ins and outs of the con with Derrick, who has very definite opinions on both strollers and Xanax.  For the second half, G2 reveals some of the huge news to come out of the panels on the Con’s biggest day!

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Shadowbox Sleeps On the Floor–A Comic Con Special PART ONE

The G² whirlwind descends upon San Diego this week as they record their first episode ever at Comic Con! It’s so prolific they had to do it in two parts and upload it late! Derrick Mylar, comic book artist and calm, anchoring presence, guides them through reviewing the Dark Knight and Mamma Mia. Well, they review movies when G² are not bickering over their traveling adventures, that is. Really, episode 17 is all about barfing in trash cans, achy backs, and not listening to each other. Also the Dark Knight makes a guest appearance!

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